Yo dont text me then not text me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
