1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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