My room smells like vodka and shame
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
