Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
