Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
