i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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