were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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