You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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