Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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