I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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