I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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