you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
