I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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