The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
