You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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