On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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