i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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