i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
