PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
