At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I came so hard my ears popped.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
