so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
