Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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