Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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