dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
