Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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