The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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