Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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