I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
MIDGETS
????
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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