She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
