Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
