Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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