i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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