And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
