the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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