He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
