have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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