No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
