Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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