Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
