please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
