you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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