I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
