i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
