I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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