You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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