just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
