Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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