His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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