Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
