Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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