help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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