thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
