I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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