Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
