you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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