i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
