puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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