I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
