She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
