This is not my ceiling
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
