Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
