I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
