At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
