please come you make the beer taste better
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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