Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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