Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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