so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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