please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
