I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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