Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize