Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You are a genius and a whore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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